Advice on How to Approach a Girl
When you first start out trying to learn how to pickup girls or how to get a girlfriend, the first thing most of you probably want to learn is how to approach a girl. At first, this seems like something that should be very simple to do…you just go up to someone and strike up a conversation, right?
Well for most guys, this is the hardest part about learning to get girls. In fact, most guys never get good at getting hot girls because they are nervous/scared, and they never learn this very crucial step of approaching. But let me tell you something extremely important, so listen up: If you don’t learn to approach, you’ll NEVER be as good as you want to be at getting the girls you want. Learning to approach is the first step in becoming good with women and learning how to get a girlfriend.
Think about it — if you never learn to approach attractive women, there are hundreds or even thousands of beautiful women you will never meet or even have a CHANCE with. Even if you prefer to meet girls through classes or work or mutual friends, you need to become comfortable with the basics of approaching in order to improve your “game” in general. So clearly, learning to approach women is a fundamental skill that you need.
Approaching Women: The Basics
First, let’s clear up a few misconceptions. A lot of what you hear or see about approaching a girl is just plain wrong. Some guys think you should try and flatter the girl with absurdly cheesy compliments. Others think that you should practically insult the girl to be funny and to show your confidence. Both of these approaches are awful, and likely will make you look desperate or like an A-hole, or like a desperate A-hole!
Another misconception is that girls don’t want to be approached and will be mean and somehow ridicule and embarrass you. If you are decent at approaching and your social skills are up to par, this will happen to you less than 1 times out of a thousand. Now, if you walk up to the girl and act like a total douchebag, insult her or her friends, or just say something totally offensive, then the chances of her being mean and even ridiculing you go waaaaaaaay up.
The fact is, most girls, especially in some type of social setting like a bar or club, WANT to be approached and have fun conversations with normal, interesting guys. Most girls seem cold or disinterested initially though, because they have to screen out all the losers and weirdos who hit on them in the ways we just talked about. Think about it: if a hot girl is friendly nice to every single guy that comes up to her, she would be hounded by weirdos all night. This is her defense mechanism.
The Key to Approaching
When you are first approaching a girl, you want to remember this key: your goal in approaching is to simply get through her defense mechanism and get her in to a normal conversation. It’s that simple!
When you first approach, you are not trying to get the girl attracted or interested in you. You will worry about that later, once you are having an actual conversation with her. If you can’t get her talking to you, you won’t ever have a shot at her being attracted.
So just get the girl to have a conversation with you, just like you would have with any other girl or guy. If you are shy and introverted, this may take some practice. But if you are a little outgoing, even if it’s just with other guys, this should become pretty easy to you pretty quickly.
Remember, just approach to start a conversation. You are not “hitting” on her (at least not yet) or trying to impress her. This should also help ease a lot of your fears, too. What is there to be scared of if you are just starting a conversation? There is no risk of real rejection. And if your approach DOES happen to fail, remember that the girl is not even rejecting YOU. She is just rejecting your approach! So keep practicing and getting better.
If you have anxiety about approaching, that is normal. That is something that nearly everyone struggles with, but don’t let it paralyze you. There are ways to overcome that fear.
Just remember to approach and start a conversation, that simple. No cheesy pick up lines! Be normal and confident. Ask her for her opinion on something or comment on something around. If you have a good sense of humor, say something funny and get her laughing.
